Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
