Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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