i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
That's how pantless uber rides happen
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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