please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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