If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
