we have officially lost it.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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