A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
