Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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