is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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