whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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