If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Randomize