super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
