why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize