Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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