I saw his package. It spoke to me.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My pussy is not your playground.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
