I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
