I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
vagina is talking i cant
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
