i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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