So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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