Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
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