Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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