he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
