It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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