I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
