Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
