I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
