I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
