"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
