I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
