Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
