Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize