Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
