Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
