I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
