Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Say something about gay babies.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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