WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
