Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I touched a dick in church today
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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