somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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