Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
