Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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