Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
