new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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