just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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