I need help removing her.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm having to shit out rocks
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