girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
