Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
