can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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