it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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