ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
