I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
