Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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