I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
