oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
