I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
