i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
