I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize