Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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