I think I am morally bankrupt
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
