my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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