also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
