all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize