I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
