first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
