I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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