I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
