Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
