So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
