Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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