I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
