I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
