You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
